Kokoro No Soko Kara
by scribbles of madness
Summary: Alternative Universe  Nara Shikamaru finds a soulmate in the most unlikely of places—a strip club—while Yamanaka Ino learns a concept the most foreign to her: love.
1. First Impressions

**Kokoro no soko kara**

A ShikaIno fanfiction [Shikamaru x Ino]

By _scribbles of madness_

Summary: [Alternative Universe] Nara Shikamaru finds a soulmate in the most unlikely of places—a strip club—while Yamanaka Ino learns a concept the most foreign to her: love.

**A/N: I WILL NEVER LOSE FAITH. Do not speak of Temari. Otherwise, you will be castrated (offending females will undergo surgery, receive testicle implants, and said testicles will immediately be removed BY RIPPING THEM OFF YOUR CROTCH), defenestrated, and ultimately die. **

**Another HighSchool!fic by yours truly :)**

**I know there are cynics out there just ****itching**** to report someone, so I'll just say that, although this fic is not based and/or told entirely through the characters' lives in cyberspace, several parts were inspired by TheCherryOnTop by ****ohwhatsherface**** and MissSakura by ****you're beautiful****.**

**And I am aware that I am being cynical just by perceiving there are cynics out there.**

**Warning: language. And maybe sexual themes. Just for this chapter, and no lemon, though….maybe 8D**

Disclaimer: Naruto is oh-so-fine; although how many times I whine—night may fall and sun may shine—Naruto is never mine :)

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><p><strong>1.<strong>

**First Impressions**

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><p><strong>September 22, 2011<strong>

**MOOD: FAMISHED DX**

**MUSIC: Fergalicious by Fergie **

_**B-U-S-T-E-D, you are BUSTED!**_

WHETHER YOU LOVE HER OR YOU HATE HER, SHE'S GONE.

Tayuya, the flutist Shikamaru made out (and more) with for more than one occasion, has actually left him! :O We all know that for the past eight months, Shikamaru has been dating Temari, who graduated in the spring of 2009 and is now attending the all-girls college university in Suna. Well, everyone except Tayuya, that is. (Seriously, no wonder only fourteen percent voted they know her on my poll last week. Everyone who's anyone reads What's The Dish?) So when she learned from her white-haired friend with the strangest fetish for blue lipstick that Shikamaru was actually taken, her wonderful, melodic voice filled our place when she graciously called us yesterday at 9:32 in the evening. The following is the entire telephone exchange between Shikamaru and Tayuya, verbatim:

_Shikamaru: Hello?_

_Shikamaru: Hello? Who the hell is—_

_Tayuya: Asshole!_

_Shikamaru: Why, thank you._

_Tayuya: YOU JERK! _

_Shikamaru: Tayuya?_

_Tayuya: FUCK YOU, SHIKAMARU. DO YOU THINK I'M STUPID? I THOUGHT YOU GAVE A DAMN ABOUT ME! BUT YOU JUST LIED TO ME. I THOUGHT YOU WERE SPECIAL…I AM GOING TO SOUND AND YOU CAN JUST JACK OFF TO _OPRAH _IN YOUR STINKING LIVING ROOM, YOU LYING PIG!_

_Shikamaru: Woah, woah, Tayuya, when? _Now?

_Tayuya: What, you disappointed you don't have a fuck buddy anymore?_

_Shikamaru: I'm sorry…?_

_Tayuya: GO TO HELL!_

_Shikamaru: Hey, hold on—_

_BEEP BEEP BEEP_

Tayuya's currently booking a flight to Sound, which is a thousand, thousand, thousand miles from MKU. Two hundred, thirty-five due north, to be specific.

What Temari's reaction will be is, of now, anyone's guess.

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><p>"Kokoro no soko kara."<p>

Nara Shikamaru looked up from his book, Pride and Prejudice—the book assignment that semester. "What?"

"From the bottom of one's heart." Akimichi Chouji, his best friend and roommate, grinned widely. "We should put that up on our blog. I'll make it the title of the post I'll put up when Temari finds out you're a manwhore."

Shikamaru rose from his recliner and headed for the kitchen. One of Chouji's numerous hobbies was writing a blog that mostly contained details of Shikamaru's personal life and posting it up on the Internet. At first he protested but soon gave up thinking that Chouji would tire of it sooner or later. He was wrong. The three-year old blog had a total of 976 posts and approximately 3000 readers, most of which are fellow high school students.

"_Your _blog, not mine," Shikamaru corrected, looking around in the refrigerator. "I never agreed to let all of Konoha Institute of Secondary Education be informed of my sexual exploits in the form of an online journal. Damn it, the beef leftovers from last night went bad."

Chouji placed his laptop on the short-legged coffee table beside him. "Aw, really? Guess we're gonna have to eat out tonight. We could make tonight Chinese night!"

"Ugh, that's a 10-minute drive, Chouji," Shikamaru complained, his mood souring at the very idea of having to drive _all the way _to the Chinese restaurant Tenten's family managed.

"I'm not the one whose mom insisted that we stay at the loft her sister previously owned, Shikamaru."

Shikamaru pressed a button on the answering machine to listen to the messages as he left the kitchen. "I wasn't exactly jumping for joy when she _commanded _me to live here, Chouji."

"_Dude, you really suck! Prank calls don't work if you let the machine answer! By the way, I'm coming by your place tonight. See ya._"

"Oh, cool. Naruto's joining us for dinner," Chouji said.

Uzumaki Naruto was in a chemistry class with Chouji. During the first meeting with their teacher, Naruto noticed the little Dr. Doom keychain on Chouji's backpack, and began to talk about how the producers will _never _be able to make the movie adaptations of everything in the Marvel universe. Naruto frequently visited the loft where Shikamaru and Chouji stayed to play videogames with the budding chef. Soon even Shikamaru came to enjoy Naruto's company, although he appeared to be irritated every time the hyperactive blonde disturbs him with his noise.

The high-pitched voice of a female rang painfully in Shikamaru and Chouji's ears. "_You freaking wuss!_"

Shikamaru was about to press 'next' when Chouji stopped him. "No, no, no, no! I want to hear this."

"_Unless you stop your damn hiding, I _will_ keep on leaving messages on your phone! Shikamaru, _I. Am. Your. Girlfriend! _I know about that other girl! I swear, I am going to break in and kick your balls in your sleep, you stupid asshole!_"

The beep that signaled the next message filled the silent room.

"No, wait, that's _all_?" Chouji asked incredulously, wide-eyed. "You slept with Tayuya so much I can't believe she's not preggers and Temari's rant didn't even last one minute?"

Shikamaru shrugged. "Maybe she'll yell some more when she breaks in and kicks my balls in my sleep. See what you're doing to my life with your blog?"

"I know! I can't wait to post this!"

"_Hiiii, Shikamaru!_"

"Oh, no."

"_It's your mom! Happy birthday, sweetie! I'm sorry we won't be able to come this year again. You know how it is with your dad's work and all. The package will arrive in a day or so. Hope you have a great birthday! And say hi to Chouji for me! Take care of yourself, okay? Oh! And make sure you have clean underwe—" _

Shikamaru deleted the messages. Chouji blinked. He glanced at calendar that hung on the wall at his left.

September 22.

"Oh, dude, I am so, so, _so _sorry. I forgot the date. Uh, happy birthday."

"Whatever."

He headed for his room to make several changes to his research paper. He's been putting it off for a week now, and as much _effort _that would take, Kurenai-sensei warned them that if they don't submit on time, they'll be writing a book report on one of Shakespeare's problem plays of their choice. He could still hear his literature teacher in his mind. _"Times New Roman, 11, 100 pages, _single-spaced. _Feel like slacking off _now_?"_

Like, what_ever_.

He was looking for the adaptor that came with his laptop charger when Chouji called out from the TV room, "Hey, Shikamaru, what do you say we go to a strip club tonight?"

"Fine with me!" Shikamaru replied. He lifted a discarded pair of jeans off the floor and spotted a white square object. _Found it_. "…wait. _WHAT?_"

"First Impressions," Chouji said. "It's a really cool place two miles from here. That's where we're gonna celebrate your birthday, dawg!" He appeared in the doorway, a huge grin on his round, chubby face.

Shikamaru didn't seem just as excited. "Dude. Strip club? Are you freaking out of your _mind?_"

"Wait, you _don't_ want to see naked girls?" Chouji asked in disbelief. "Are you freaking out of _your _mind? Dude, this is the _life_. We're living independently—"

"Not really, since your dad comes at least once every two weeks and drops off half a thousand bucks."

"—and it's, uh, your B-Day—"

"Chinese is sounding pretty good right now."

"—I mean, who won't pass up a chance to go to First Impressions, which by the way has a bouncer with an IQ below 50?"

"Um, dude. We're underage?"

Chouji scoffed, as if Shikamaru never even bought cigarettes from the store across the street without breaking a sweat. "We have fake IDs."

The two men stared at each other, both thinking the other is whacked out of it. After several seconds, Shikamaru plugged the charger in and connected it to his laptop. Then he turned it on and rummaged around in his backpack to look for some notes.

Chouji watched all this wide-eyed, like he was just waiting for impending doom. Somebody knocked on the door.

Shikamaru's eyes flicked over at Chouji. "Better get that." Chouji went over to the door and opened it.

"Hey, guys!" Naruto greeted. "Any plans for tonight?"

He was already checking the TV screen over Chouji's shoulder. He peered at Chouji, confused. Thursday's usually _Star Trek _night. Why is the presence of galactic space monster battles on the screen mysteriously missing?

"Um, yeah," Chouji said by a way of explanation. "Listen, Naruto, it's Shikamaru's birthday and—"

"Happy birthday, Shikamaru!"

"—I wanted to take him to First Impressions downtown to celebrate."

Naruto tried to remember what First Impressions was again. A vague memory involving a party gone horrendously wrong and the discovery of Sasuke's poor handling of anything alcoholic flashed in his mind. "_Oh_!The strip club! Right, right. That's cool; can I come?"

"Sure, but, uh, we got a problem." Chouji leaned in towards Naruto, as if to say something confidential. "Shikamaru is absolutely disgusted by the idea of having to see naked girls."

Naruto stormed past him and into Shikamaru's room. He frowned at the sight of Shikamaru typing on his laptop, and brusquely yanked the plug from the outlet. Shikamaru gawked at the blank monitor, his hazy reflection returning the same shell-shocked expression.

"What the _hell_, Naruto!" Shikamaru yelled, glaring at the nonchalant blonde.

"Quit the nerd act. We're gonna go see boobs," Naruto announced.

"I was working on an unsaved document, dumb-ass!" Shikamaru's voice escalated into a shriek.

Naruto rolled his eyes. "Microsoft Office 2007 knows how to Auto-Recover, genius. See how our terms of endearment differ? Anyway, let's go."

"Are we taking the shitbox again?" Chouji asked, munching on some M&M's he found in the fridge.

"No, I got—_hey!_" Naruto cried, realizing the insult. "But we're not taking my ride. I borrowed Sasuke's."

Chouji and Shikamaru immediately doubted this. Sasuke was vehemently protective of his cherry red Ferrari convertible. He'd literally snarl at anyone who dared get within at least a ten-inch distance from the car.

"I'll go with you to the strip club," Shikamaru decided.

"YES!" Chouji and Naruto slapped high-fives.

"Under one condition." He faced Chouji. "Take down the stupid blog about everything in my life and never update it. _Ever._"

With the way Chouji covered his mouth in utter shock, you'd think Shikamaru just told him to massacre every single person who worked in every single Cheetos factory. Naruto mirrored the same exact horrified expression; he was apparently a huge fan of the blog.

"Real friends won't make their friends take down gossip journals!" Chouji whined.

"Yeah," Naruto added in earnest agreement. "What a friend, Shikamaru."

Shikamaru rolled his eyes, and was about to plug in his laptop again. Chouji noticed the action and hollered, "All right, all right! I'll take it down!"

Naruto sadly mumbled something about not being fair, while Shikamaru smirked in victory. Chouji sighed, defeated. He wondered if Shikamaru will find out if he put up another blog. They grabbed their wallets, cellphones, and sailed out the door.

After getting to the lobby using the elevator, they went outside to see a parked red car. It still looked new despite three years of use. Shikamaru and Chouji gulped. If Sasuke saw as much as one little scratch on it, he'll personally go on a manhunt for the idiot _bastard _who took his precious car. Naruto, however, was unfazed.

"Let's go, fellas!" Naruto grinned and unhesitatingly jumped onto the driver's seat.

"Hey, I don't know about this—"

A honk interrupted Shikamaru.

"_Are you coming or not_?

"…did you mean that as a sexual thing?"

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><p><strong>Twitter<strong>

**Username: AkimichiChouji?yahoo . com**

**Password**: potahtotomahto

**Home**

|What are you doing?|

140

|Tweet|

**Uchiha Sasuke: **WHOEVER STOLE MY CAR, I WILL FIND YOU AND USE YOUR BLOOD AS REFILL FOR MY RED BALLPEN.

not less than 5 sec ago via iPhone

**Dogshit: ?TheRealMasterChef** screw dat, i'm meeting u der.

1 min ago via web

**TheRealMasterChef: ?Dogshit **sorry, Kiba. Maybe next time? Also, sorry for letting Naruto borrow my cell. I didn't know he'll change your username to Dogshit…XD

2 min ago via Android

**Dogshit: ?TheRealMasterChef **not cool, man!1! i wanted to go! **?Da Man **STOP HAKING INTO MY ACOUNT AND CHANGING MY USERNAME, DUMBASS!

2 min ago via web

**TheRealMasterChef: **going to First Impressions with **?Da Man **and **?Nara Shikamaru** 8D

3 min ago via Android

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><p>Chouji squirmed as he read Sasuke's tweet.<p>

The last time that guy ever tweeted something was when his brother got promoted at the Akatsuki Inc. as a portfolio manager the year ago. It read, "?Uchiha Itachi Congrats, ingrate." As one could observe from the five only tweets on Sasuke's homepage, he used the social network merely as a means to relay insults and post death threats.

"Hey," Chouji said. "Maybe we should give Sasuke's car back. I mean, he's really, really pissed."

Their faces basked in the orange lights as they entered a brightly lit tunnel.

"No way!" Naruto cried from the driver's seat. "This is the perfect start to a possibly beautiful evening."

Shikamaru could do nothing but let out a helpless sigh. Beside him, Naruto floored the gas pedal and whooped loudly in euphoria. He grinned at Shikamaru, who acknowledged him with a lazy nod. Shikamaru glanced at his scowling face in the side mirror. Maybe he _should _lean back and relax. After all, Asuma wouldn't mind if he had a little fun downtown…

Chouji encouragingly patted him on the shoulder. "Don't worry, Shikamaru. I think he'll understand."

Shikamaru appreciated this. Only Chouji knew about his complex friendship with the old moderator of the Chess Club.

"Yo, no long faces! Seriously, it's like you're going to play golf with the principal or something!"

Reaching the end of the tunnel, the Ferrari plunged into the endless space of midnight blue.

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><p>"And where do you think you're going, young man?"<p>

Kiba cringed as his mother descended down the stairs, all in her red nightgown, creepy green facial mask, and furry slippers glory. His hand was an inch away from the door, fingers gnarled into a claw to turn the knob.

He smiled at his mother. "Well, uh, I'm going to this…_party _Shino's throwing at his place."

"And why had I not been informed of this party three days earlier, like we agreed on?" Despite the gooey cream all over her face, he could almost see the lines and wrinkles forming from her frown.

Kiba cussed under his breath. He's graduating _next year_; don't tell him his mother is gonna be one of those moms who demand their kids in college to call every night and come home at every holiday.

"Shino wanted to…surprise us?"

"TO BED, KIBA!"

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><p><strong>1 message received<strong>

**From: Inuzuka Kiba**

got grounded by the terminator fml

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><p><strong>AN: I feel sorry for Kiba XD R&R, please :) **

**? is the 'at' sign. It is beyond me as to why this website seems to be vehemently opposed to particular punctuation marks and to allowing users to cite other websites.**


	2. The Not So Great Escape

**A/N: Brock Baker's dub of Friday = LOL**

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.

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><p>"It's not over tonight! Just give me one more chance to make it right! I may not make it through the night! I won't go home without you! <em>Whoa-oah-oah-oah!<em>"

"Stop. It."

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><p>"All my life, I've been good but now, <em>oh, oh, oh, ohhhhhh, <em>I'm thinking 'what the hell'!"

"Just drop me off at that intersection. Please."

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><p>"I kissed a girl—"<p>

"Don't even dare. I still can't get E.T out of my head."

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><p>"Ha! I know!"<p>

"Ooh, are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

"Screw the intersection; I'll just haul myself out."

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><p>"FRIDAY! FRIDAY! Gotta get down on FRIDAY!"<p>

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><p>Shikamaru took advantage of the silence after the last song, and advised Naruto to leave the Ferrari in the parking basement of a nearby mall—"Too much car thefts in that area"—and took a cab to their destination.<p>

The boys were dropped off at a street poorly lit by a single lamppost. In the dark they strained to see the strip club. After an endless exchange of complaints (i.e. "What the hell, Naruto—you got us lost, you moron", "Die, mosquitoes", "OH MY GOD. We haven't taken dinner yet"), they stumbled upon a seemingly abandoned building.

"Ugh, it feels so shady," Shikamaru grumbled as they trudged the narrow alley to get to the entrance in the back.

"Oh, please," Naruto scoffed, carefully avoiding the puddle in his way that would surely ruin his Nike Airs. "Think of it as your monthly sex scandal. This time with much more experienced strangers you don't have gym with,"

Finally they reached the end of the passage, and found themselves in front of a door. At the top was a sign in flashing, neon lights that read First Impressions in cursive writing. And frowning down on them was a big, beefy bouncer.

Naruto winked at them. "Let the pro take the lead."

He strutted over to the bouncer, and threw his head back in some sort of gangsta greeting. "'Sup, dawg? Me and my boys wanna go sightseeing."

The bouncer did not return the same friendly greeting. "ID."

Chouji eagerly dug into his jeans pocket for his wallet. He was _finally _going to use Shikamaru's gift to him last Christmas. Awesomeness.

"Here you go, my good man."

The hot pink sign above them casted an eerie glow on the bouncer's ominous face. He got Chouji's fake ID, and scanned over it quickly, like he knew what he was already dealing with here. His eyes turned menacing, and Shikamaru thought of turning back before this happy camper eats them alive.

The bouncer's scowl deepened as he gave Chouji back his ID.

Shikamaru closed his eyes. _SHITBALLS._

"Get in," the bouncer grumbled.

Shikamaru blinked as he was led in by the ridiculously huge bouncer. Once he heard the door close softly behind them, Shikamaru found himself in a room darker than the night sky outside. It smelled faintly of cigarette smoke, and mainly of alcohol. Multicolored lights blinked rapidly from the ceiling (he asked himself whether it was Naruto or Kiba who had epilepsy among his friends), and provided him second-long glimpses of the silhouettes of females strutting on a stage in the middle of the room. Three long metal poles were attached to the stage.

Then to his horror Shikamaru realized he was alone. Chouji and Naruto, the two he (had previously) placed his complete trust on, were gone.

As he struggled to keep his composure in check, he felt soft, round objects pressing into his back. Remembering where he was, he jumped back, and turned to see a black-haired girl—whose black, lacy thong and heavy make-up were the only things doing any covering—sticking her chest so closely to his body.

"Hi, sugar, wanna dance?" she purred, and placed a fragile, dainty hand on his cheek.

His chest pounded uncomfortably, and he yelped, startled, when she nipped his ear. Shikamaru took the girl's wrists, and said, "Look, uh…"

"Kitty," she supplied.

"Kitty," he repeated. "Look, Kitty, I, um, appreciate this, but I'm better off being alone."

He walked off to sit down at a booth. On the one at his right were a stripper, and a man not much older than him sucking face. On his left was a man who gave him a toothless grin and began to masturbate.

_Ohh-_kay, Shikamaru thought, and looked away.

Kitty's glittery, red lips jutted forward into a pout. She sighed, and promptly sat in his lap. Shikamaru was too stunned to react. He started to wish _he_ was the one with epilepsy. It was probably easier pretending to thrash around on the floor, than pretending to know what he was doing in a strip club.

Call him a hypocrite, but there's just something _wrong_ about getting it on with some defenseless, airheaded girl, even though in this case the girl _was_ a stripper.

"Why can't I get a break?" Kitty complained in her soft, sweet tone. "Jira-chan tells me I'm pretty, but I'd been getting blown off since last week!"

Feeling sorry for her, Shikamaru handed her a fifty, which she reluctantly accepted. "Here. Uh, you don't have to dance or anything."

He quickly scanned the area for his friends. Despite the confusing lights which illuminated nothing for more than a second, he saw a flash of Naruto's bright orange jacket. A skinny girl was busy giving Naruto a lap dance. Shikamaru caught his friend's hands roaming her waist, and his eyebrows furrowed in disapproval. Then he reminded himself it was what they were supposed to do at a place like this.

Kitty readjusted herself on his lap.

Shikamaru groaned to himself. "Happy freaking birthday, Shikamaru."

Suddenly her big, brown eyes, lined with tons of mascara and massively raped by the blue eye shadow, settled on his. "It's your birthday today?"

"Yeah. Uh, this was supposed to be a celebration. Friends dragged me here," Shikamaru said. He soon regretted saying so much. Why, oh, _why _did he have to tell her all of that?

"This is so cool!" Then, to a coworker, she hollered, "Where's the Pig—I mean, where's Sunny? Tell her to come over here!"

Kitty left his company, throwing a hasty birthday greeting over her shoulder, and melted into the crowd. Shikamaru glanced at his watch, anxiety washing over him. It was 10:30; he could have been on Chapter III already of his research if only he stayed at home. He didn't have any more time to complain to himself, since another girl, this time blonde and blue-eyed, joined him in the booth.

At first he thought he was Naruto. Don't ask him how he figured Naruto had grown breasts and had a fairer complexion, he just did. He squinted at her, fighting the darkness and the blasted flashing lights, and realized she had softer, paler features.

"Are you the birthday boy?" she asked, tilting her head.

He gulped. So…it wasn't over. "Yeah."

"Kitty suggested we celebrate our birthdays together. Mine's tomorrow…well, technically, in an hour and a half," Sunny explained quickly.

She avoided eye contact with him; when she spoke, her gaze darted from him to all around the strip club. Then she fiddled with the hem of her skirt, oblivious to Shikamaru's close examination of her features. He realized that she was the only one who wore a bra—if you could somehow imagine that thin string of sequins as support.

Then she abruptly looked up, and once she saw Shikamaru ogling her chest, spat, "I'm not gonna take it off, you creep."

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><p><strong>1 message received<strong>

**From: Nara Shikamaru **

Don't be surprised when you see the Twinkies in the toilet tomorrow morning. All eight boxes of them.

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><p>"Um, we better help Shikamaru," Chouji said wearily, slipping his cellphone back in his pocket.<p>

An inebriated Naruto, flanked by two strippers, drawled, "No, no, Shikamaru's a big boy. He could take care of himself. Ohh, God, I want me some sex _NOW._"

Feeling a little tipsy himself, Chouji considered this, and laughed as Naruto tried to woo the girls, who appeared bored and unimpressed.

* * *

><p>"Listen, I wasn't staring at your breasts. It just struck me that you were the only one wearing a…you know, that," Shikamaru said in his defense, referring to her bra.<p>

Sunny narrowed her eyes, and said, "That's because the other girls can't stand up to themselves, since the boss is a smooth-talking ass. I will not be swayed by his candy-coated lies."

"So you deem yourself more intelligent and level-headed than the rest?" Shikamaru challenged.

"Damn straight."

"Then do you mind if I ask what the hell are you doing trying to protect your dignity at a place like this?"

Sunny flushed a deep red, and scowled. Who the hell does this wise-ass think he is? "Well, what the hell are you doing trying to tell a hooker how to live her life?"

Leaning back, Shikamaru once again studied her, this time giving more attention to her face. God, she's _really _pretty. If she wasn't banging guys every night, and if she'd just zip those glittery, red lips, he'd totally take her home with him.

Sunny almost melted under his intense gaze, but kept her eyes glued onto his. His were the kind that would draw a girl in; they held some sort of loneliness, and yet a trace of mischief. They made her think of chocolates and bears, and—oddly enough—provided her with some kind of comfort. Then, embarrassed by these thoughts, she broke their eye contact, and instead, watched a co-worker stick her tongue down a blond guy's throat.

"I wonder…if you weren't working in a place like this, would you allow me to buy you a drink?"

She pouted, and looked up at him from beneath her long lashes. "Oh, you're such a cutie-pie…" Reverting back to her normal facial expression, she said bluntly, "No."

"And come to think of it," Sunny added, narrowing her eyes. "How _old_ are you, exactly?"

She could see the glittering beads of sweat forming on his forehead.

"Nineteen." His voice broke a little at the end.

"You're lying."

"I'm not."

Sunny gave a sharp laugh. "I smile and flirt with men I'd rather spit on. You can't lie to another liar."

"Oh, do not compare me to—"

They both were distracted by a conga line that formed before them. Each participant had their tops off, and Sunny heard Shikamaru mumbling incoherently when the blonde guy she had observed earlier and a chubby one came into view.

The stripper flipped her long hair back, her lips curling into a smirk. "You're sixteen, aren'tcha?"

"…no."

"Boy, you are one tough cookie." Sunny heaved a sigh, and changed gears. "Hey, I won't bust you or anything. You've got that deer-in-the-headlights look, and well, frankly it's kinda comforting knowing that there's at least one guy in this room who's not thinking of me as a sex object."

A brief moment of civility between them was interrupted by an eerie sound faintly resonating from outside. The next sound made Shikamaru's heart jump up to his throat.

"Oh, shit, it's the cops!"

Shikamaru turned to Sunny, but her face was as white as a sheet, and she stared back at him with the same horrified look. They stayed frozen to their spots, when the door flew open and a uniformed man barged in with his gun drawn.

"Nobody move!" he ordered.

Gasps rose from the crowd when the gravity of the situation dawned on them. More policemen flooded in, each one of them armed. Their guns gleamed silver under the blinking lights.

"What the hell is going on?" Shikamaru hissed, trying to keep the traces of panic in his voice to a minimum.

"I—I'm not sure," Sunny whispered back. "But word has it that First Impressions had a whole bunch of drugs smuggled into the basement."

"_What?_"

His angered tone reached a policeman, who then approached them, and held them at gunpoint. "Shut the fuck up, son, and I won't blow your head off."

Fortunately he went away to terrorize another isolated couple in a corner booth.

Sunny attempted an explanation. "It was _just_ a rumor…I think. Kitty told me about it before, but I didn't take it seriously. Oh, God, I'm working for a criminal."

Whether it was his survival instinct kicking into action or the sight of her pretty, innocent, childlike features marred by naked fright, he grabbed her wrist, and dragged the both of them under the table. The moment they were out of the policemen's view, Shikamaru knew that what he was about to do was something he'll regret the rest of his life. They crawled closer to the door, unnoticed by the officers who began to move towards Jiraiya's office

"Naruto, Chouji," Shikamaru called to his friends, whose hands were shaking at their sides.

Chouji's eyes darted to the direction of the voice that called his name, and widened. He opened his mouth to speak, when Shikamaru gave him a 'zip it' warning. He gestured for Chouji to take Naruto, and follow him.

"Holy shit, dude, what the hell is going on?" Naruto asked frantically once he dropped to the floor. "I almost pissed my goddamned pants—"

Naruto stopped in his tirade when he noticed the perfect, glorious ass in front of him.

"What's with the chick?" he asked slowly.

"Just shut up," Shikamaru answered.

A handful of officers milled around, engrossed in not-so-discreetly checking the scantily-clothed girls out. His heart pounding, his knees shaking, Shikamaru got on his feet, and moved towards the exit. The entire time he spent making his exit, his stomach was caving in, and the pulsing beat of the techno music blasting from the speakers hanging from the ceiling beat down on him—like it was a concrete object on his shoulders that grew heavier and heavier. Finally they all managed to slip away, and it was everything they could all do to avoid exclaiming in relief, and making a run for it, which would make a lot of noise.

As they marched towards the main road, Sunny, who had better control of keeping her emotions in check, faced Shikamaru, and said one simple word. "Why?"

Chouji and Naruto's ears perked up in curiosity. Although having an unexpected, totally _hot_—if they might add— companion was a bonus to their otherwise outrageous night, Shikamaru was after all the only man in the entire freaking galaxy to object going to a strip club.

"I'll feel like shit if I just left you there," Shikamaru replied. There was a smirk in his next sentence. "Don't think too much of it, doll. You didn't exactly grow on me that entire time we were together."

"And by together, you mean…" Chouji's voice trailed off, every cell in his body filled with hope.

A snort. "Engaging in a bitchfest."

They continued walking in silence. Sunny occasionally stumbled, her three-inch stilettos clearly not designed for rocky, uneven surfaces.

"So, could we, like, keep her?" Naruto asked out of the blue, not at all realizing the impropriety of what he said.

Sunny threw him a dirty look. "Like I'd waste a single second with you losers."

"Ah, the sincerity and gratitude of a woman is ever so appreciated."

Shikamaru stole a glance at her, and frowned at her lack of better clothing. He motioned for Naruto to offer her his jacket.

"Thank you," he heard her murmur.

_Moody little weirdo_, he thought.

The foursome, as soon as they were out of the alley, searched high and low for a cab to take them home. Unable to find a ride at such a late hour, they hiked back to where they left Sasuke's car.

"This reminds me of when Elizabeth Bennet went all the way to the Netherfield," Shikamaru mused.

"Who the hell is Elizabeth?" Chouji grumbled, already fatigued after having walked half a mile.

Naruto tried to make a joke. "She hot?"

Sunny rolled her eyes at the ignorance of the two boys, but was secretly pleased with Shikamaru's interest in literature. When they finally reached the Ferrari, they jumped in, and raced off, eager to leave behind the remnants of the extremely long, and dragging night.

"Wait."

Shikamaru glanced at the rearview mirror as he, being the only one sober and carrying a license, drove.

"Where will I _stay_?" Sunny asked, her eyebrows knit together in worry.

"With us," Chouji replied, looking up from his Android. "We can't really leave you out on the streets."

"That is _unspeakable_, and _I_—"

Shikamaru hit the brakes, and spun around in his seat. "Either you shut up, or I drop you off."

This silenced Sunny, and she sulkily watched the trees lining the roads blur as the car zoomed past.

* * *

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